Dear Little Jed

A Note To Past Me

Dear Little Jed,

I am writing you this letter from the year 2025 and you are 47 years old now. If you get this as I hope, it will be delivered to you some time around 1991-1992. That was the year where things got the worst for you, 6th grade, so I thought I would send it there to help you get through the shit. Both that you have already experienced and the the next few years ahead.

I am writing from this year because I wanted you to know about how things are going here. I am certain that you never thought you would get this far because of the constant instability of your young life, but it’s true. You are here, you are happy, you are doing well. All of the times you cried seemed to have watered the ground of your future and the roots are soaking up all the goodness because of the perseverance of YOU! In fact, you are about to publish your fourth book. It’s a children’s book. The other 3 are great, but this one you did all by yourself! Your wrote and illustrated it!!!

I am so fucking proud of you!!!

Can you believe it? I certainly can. You are a kick ass kid and you made it through so much. I am overwhelmed with pride at how you got us here. When I think of all you did to survive, I am truly in awe of you.

You endured so many bullies calling you a fag. Some of them your own family members. You don’t even see or talk to those people now. You have your own life.

You kept going in spite of the constant threat of violence from the sperm donor. He is gone now. No need to fear him anymore. He never did apologize, but you are healing yourself more every day. Your therapist is fantastic and she has done wonders.

You overcame the mind fuck that is a constant worry of hell fire and damnation for your mere existence. You finally left the church, but Jesus is closer now that He has ever been. You are living your best life with your person and he is incredible. He cooks, he gardens, he takes care of the yard, he supports you in all you do. The family loves him. He really is just about perfect.

You were a educator for a long time. Still are a little bit, but during your time as 2nd grade teacher, you were the father to students that you needed. All that you are going through as a kid helped you to be there for them. I wish it had been different for you, but at least there was a benefit.

I have a million other things I want to tell you. About how many people love you. About the amazing places you have been and the friends that you have all around the world. About how you lost weight and grew a beard… YES, a WHOLE BEARD! You wouldn’t even recognize yourself. Maybe one day I will tell you all about the new things in your life that exists on the outside.

But the inside… You are still here with me now. You are fabulous. Your strength, courage, determination, and creativity are still in the depths of us. The lessons you learned through trial and tribulation are sustaining grown up you. I weep thinking about how amazing you are to make it through all you did/will, and I thank God for you every day.

Love you so very much,

Big Jed

PS… Tell that dumbass PE teacher who asked, “When are you gonna start playing the game like the rest of the boys” to kiss your whole ass. You played just fine. Still do! :)